Heartbreak, Tacos and Texas

More miles might be just what I need.

I'm in love with the road but I hate the nights. The nights are long and lonely for me. I lie in bed and think about my front wheel turning as it chews up miles of asphalt.

I didn't want people to know I'm unhappy in my relationship. If I tell others I was concerned they might form an opinion about Steve; one that was perhaps unfair and skewed by my emotional state. If we stay together then this will taint their view of him and affect their relationship forever.

I love Steve and I want things to work out. There are many issues for us to work through and frankly the odds are not in our favor.

When we were first dating. Better times.

Love doesn't fix everything, no matter what you've been told.

Love is one thing we have on our side. Another is Emily, our therapist. She is helping us navigate these pain-infested waters. We also have our business. We love what we do and we love working together. Most of our civil conversations turn towards business at one point or another. We think about work most of the time, as long as we aren't fighting.

And that's been an enormous problem. The fighting has taken time and energy away from the things we love doing together. We love riding our motorcycles, sitting in bars and meeting strangers, and working. Getting back on my motorcycle and getting away has been a good move for me. Steve and I are talking everyday and mostly we talk about work. Tonight I was able to go meet a client and have tacos and whiskey. Unfortunately, Steve and I didn't do this together. And maybe we don't have to.

I'm considering a solo trip to Texas from San Diego. I would like to visit beef jerky manufacturers (we publish the premier and best read Beef Jerky Review publication online), friends and motorcycle businesses along the way. I don't have the solid plan yet, but I'm putting it together now. If it works out, I'll leave San Diego around March 20 and go to the following cities:

Phoenix, AZ
Tucson, AZ
El Paso, TX
Round Rock, TX
Galveston, TX
Orange, TX

Then a return trip heading to:

Austin, TX
Colleyville, TX
Eunice, NM
Albuquerque, NM
Show Low, AZ
Phoenix, AZ
San Diego, CA

If this works out I should be on the road for 5 - 6 weeks, putting me back in San Diego May 1. I want to stay in many of these places for a few days and rest up. I have friends in all of these places (except El Paso) who have opened up their homes to me. After looking at the map for hours, I don't see any way to get to Round Rock without stopping in El Paso and somewhere halfway between El Paso and Round Rock for a night, but I haven't figured that out yet.

If T.H. Bayley is right, this time away will help Steve and me get our relationship to a better place. At the very least I hope to get our business to a better place. Money helps, especially when two people want to live apart.

I could use more miles, more work, more time with friends, many more tacos, and a little more whiskey to soothe my breaking heart. Right now it's nearly 2 am and sleep eludes me. The minutes turn to hours and the night isn't kind to me. I miss him deeply in this moment. I wonder how I could go away so long and so far, but I want to try. Will every night on the road be this hard?

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